How To Effectively Use a Fake ID
In this day and age, Fake Identification Cards, are becoming more and more commonplace, and not just in America (Although America does happen to be the leading consumer of Fake Id's). In fact, these forged documents are being replicated so seamlessly, that it is virtually indistinguishable than that of a real Identification Card. This means that the only people who will be able to tell that your Fake ID is in-fact fake, are Law Enforcement Officers. Why? You may ask? The answer is painstakingly obvious, but essentially LEO'S run ID scans on a government database, that holds every person's information that is actually registered with the DMV. Unfortunately for the time being, any FakeID Purchased, will NOT show up on the DMV registry, but it should be perfectly fine to scan at any Bar or Club (since they are not government oriented duhh). You have your FakeID! You can't wait to test it out, and create unforgettable experiences, but before you do that, I have 5 simple tips for you, that'll help you get past those pesky bouncers, and awkward convenience store clerks. 1. DON'T BE NERVOUS. Do I need to explain? Those who are nervous ordering drinks/presenting identification, are almost always either underage, or newly 21. Relax. Take a deep breath. While you possess this document, you ARE who is on the card, and as long as it's a quality fake, the only way you'll get caught is if you're shaking in your boots, and acting immature. 2. MEMORIZE THE ADDRESS, ZIP CODE, AND CITY NAME!
And if your getting and out of state ID, at the very least google some facts about the climate. That way, if a smart-ass bouncer asks you “Oh you're from Kansas, how's the scenery?”, you can respond with an assuring “Flatter than a pancake!” 3. IF YOU ARE YOUNG LOOKING, HAVE YOUR ID OUT AND READY. DON'T WAIT TO BE ASKED FOR YOUR ID IF YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE 12 I work in the restaurant industry and I serve Alcohol for a living, if you're going to be ordering alcoholic drinks, have that ID out and ready to be examined. Even the old couples that come to the bar have their ID out before I even ask to see it. Overall, having your ID out/or getting it out immediately after ordering a age restricted item not only decreases suspicion, it also proves that you know that you look young, and respect the person doing their job. Since most of you getting Fake IDs are in the 17-20yr age range, remember that respect goes a long way. Simply put, respect the person doing their job, and they'll respect you. If you get denied, RESPECTFULLY walk away, which brings me to my next tip. 4. KEEP IN MIND, MOST BOUNCERS HAVE A FEW TRICKS UP THEIR SLEEVE. Like I stated previously, if you get your Fake ID from a good quality vendor, the only way one would be able to tell it's fake is if the person is a LEO. However, skilled bouncers know this, and don't just look at the ID card, believe it or not. Professional bouncers take into account a barrage of variables, and they do it in such a fast amount of time, that you'll think that your ID is the reason you got denied, when in reality, it was your out- of-state Texas ID in a New York Bar, with 5 friends who are all 21 with in-state New York ID's; not to mention the bouncer saw your real New York ID, as you pulled your Fake out. Be smart. If the bouncer immediately passes your Fake back, and says something like, “oh this number is too high, and doesn’t equal your birthday.” Respond with a bewildered, “Watchu talking about Willice??”. Immediately taking your card and walking away admits guilt, and re-assures the cocky bouncers ego, which isn't good for anyone! 5. SHINY ID'S ARE A NECESSARY EVIL One of the biggest problems encountered among enthusiastic, young adults, is when they purchase a Fake ID that was supposedly “ issued” last year, it looks brand new! One time, while I was working, a young looking Asian man, and his group of teenage friends, ordered an alcoholic milkshake to-go. There is not a hair on this kids chin, so I laugh and asked for his ID. Stupidly, he looked back at his friends, (whom he was trying to distance himself from) and slowly pulled out the shiniest ID I have ever seen! I examined the ID for 2 minutes straight, not out of frustration, but out of fascination, as I have never seen such an amazing replica of Oregon before! The kid handed me indentification that said he was 21 years old, and had all of the same security features as my own ID, but ultimately got turned down due to two very avoidable problems; his group of underage friends, and his ridiculously shiny ID. I can't fix stupid, but fortunately, there are a few solutions to the “Shiny” ID problem. The most common method is the infamous “Peanut Butter Method”. I say infamous, because it's had mixed results when individuals move onto to the microwave portion of this method. To play it safe, I'll give you the improvised peanut butter method that is 100% safe (I did not come up with this by the way). Step 1: Smear your Fake ID with creamy Skippy Peanut Butter. (any NON-Organic brand should be fine, but I find that Skippy works best), and make sure every part of it is covered. Step2: Place the in a plastic zip-lock bag, or wrap it in aluminum foil, then place it in the freezer for anywhere between 1 hour, and 1 day. In my opinion, 3 hours should suffice, and give it a worn-ish look. The end result definitely will not be nearly as shiny. Step 3: Rinse it off with WARM water, wipe with a paper towel, and you're golden. In conclusion, as long as you remain calm, don't act immature, and have your ID out while you're ordering drinks, those tips should take you a long way. Assuming of course, you have a flawless Fake ID from a reputable vendor such as DesertFoxID's, DoveForgeries, and Fakeyourdrank, but I'll save that for another article.